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^ should take a bath with me
> actually doesn't shower, only takes baths
v uses hair conditioner

^ is no longer stinky
> likes the smell of vanilla
v would buy perfume for a girlfriend

^ is assuming I'll ever get a girlfriend
> is always stinky
v will be my girlfriend

^ Must convince me to buy New Vegas first
> Is only one game away from the stereotype
v Has a cute butt

^ doesn't need New Vegas to be a cute girl
> has a cute tail too
v would be interested if I tried to adapt my Discord bot to also work on this forum

^ uses discord website for a variety of things
> hardly uses the Discord website at all
v perfers harmony over discord

^ posted a programming challenge with a deadline that is almost closing
> does not remember what chat service goes by the name "harmony", but is not fond of Discord
v likes chocolate

^ doesn't know harmony is a dating site
> would like to be in a relationship soon
v is or plans on getting married

^ should pursue the girl of his dreams
> flirts with a lot of people but doesn't imagine she will get married
v has flirted with me before

ʌ has flirted with me before

> doesn't know if calling someone cute counts

v has been called cute before

^ is a cutie (this is flirting)

> gets called cute a lot... but only by people on the internet he might never meet

v wouldn't mind dating someone who is sometimes boy and sometimes girl

^ can slide into my DMs any time

> can slide into his PJs any time

v can slide down the slide any time

^ can slide into my PJs any time

> can run up the stairs on all fours like a creature

v will be waiting for me at the top

^ likes cheese
> rarely gambles
v likes bowling

^ changed the topic

> noticed it

v will change the topic again

^ is a fellow cat

> has made a change of a sort

v likes me in this form

^ must have a flexible spine

> liked the rat form, too

v likes to dance

ʌ kitty!
EDIT: and also ninja

> remains the same gloomy idiot, only the backdrop changes

v should sign up for the mafia game

^ likes to skateboard
> doesn't really like mafia
v keeps a journal

^ is similar to me re mafia (or at least, I've liked it in some places, but not on the xkcd forums)
> has kept a dream diary since 2007
v is in the current Mafia game

ʌ is unlike me in some ways, including regarding mafia

> managed to live past D1

v is excited to see how the game will end

^ Died too soon

> For the love of God, Bessie, choose correctly!

v Doesn't want spoilers

^ Died at the perfect time
> Avoids spoilers
v Wants chocolate eggs

^ Most likely paid attention to some of the previous context in this thread, or at least on the current page.

> Only read the last two posts. (In a pathetic attempt at a defense for this... something something spoilers?)

v Is required to say at least one thing that is totally irrelevant to anything I've just said.

^ hears fish is healthy for you
> likes sea food
v also likes sea food