Vending machine

[Suzaku]

You get 12 years.

I put in an atomic clock.

[somitomi]

You get one 9192631770th of a second

I insert a subatomic clock

[phillip1882]

you get subatomic time

i insert the expanding matter hypothesis

[Suzaku]

You get the contracting mind theory.

I insert an electronic key fob.

[phillip1882]

you get security

i insert a good genie

[Suzaku]

You get an evil djinn.

I insert the Infinite Monkey Cage.

[phillip1882]

you get the works of Shakespeare

i insert gambling

[Jplus]

You get a portable casino.

I insert a handful of roulette chips that I found at the bottom of a moving box.

[Suzaku]

You get a handful of potato chips that were left in the bottom of the bag.

I insert a handful of silicon chips that didn't pass QA.

[phillip1882]

you get a broken motherboard

i insert the future

[Jplus]

You get the same paradox every day.

I insert an advent calendar with paradoxes.

[Suzaku]

You get a free pass to stay in the Hilbert Hotel.

I insert an electronic hotel-room key.

[Jplus]

You get an unlocked hotel room safe. It contains a smaller safe that is still locked.

I insert an angle grinder (not yet running).

[phillip1882]

you get a lathe

i insert drama

[Jplus]

you get a dark triad

I insert a therapy coupon

[Bop]

You get a board game from the 1980's with outdated facts and little personal questions.

I insert a depleted battery.

[Suzaku]

You get depleted uranium.

I put in thorium.

[Jplus]

You get (almost) infinite power.

I insert Anakin Skywalker.

[phillip1882]

you get darth vader

i insert o b 1 kanobe

[Bop]

You get a nationally recognized British citizen. In a can.

I insert a frozen loaf of bread.

[somitomi]

You get pemmican

I insert sled dogs

[phillip1882]

you get jingle bells

i insert a song stuck in my head

[Jplus]

You get your head back, without the song.

I insert a headphone jack.

[phillip1882]

you get music

i insert gravity

[Jplus]

You get a feather, but you have to pull hard to get it out.

I insert quantum foam.