Vending machine

[phillip1882]

you get running shoes

i insert my computer

[Freddino18]

You get a better graphics card.

I insert a crumpled napkin.

[Suzaku]

You get a napkin perfectly starched and folded into the shape of a ship.

I insert a three-masted barquentine.

[Freddino18]

You get a bottle, a pile of twigs, and a pair of tweezers.

I insert a Weezer poster

[Jplus]

You get back your poster, but rolled up in a sturdy cylindrical case.

I insert a tin of beeswax.

[Freddino18]

You get a half-used tub of MinWax

I insert a paint stirrer.

[somitomi]

You get a can of paint, shaken, not stirred

I insert martini

[Suzaku]

You get appletini.

I put in a green apple.

[Jplus]

You get a big yacht.

I insert seawater.

[phillip1882]

you get a pirate

i insert truth

[Freddino18]

You get Virginia Dare

I insert a log

[Suzaku]

You get a logbook.

I put in an almanac.

[Freddino18]

You get a very confused farmer.

I insert a combine harvester.

[somitomi]

You get a steam traction engine

I insert a distraction

[Suzaku]

You get destruction.

I insert the apocalypse.

[Freddino18]

You get it NOW!

I insert an overly enthusiastic advertisement.

[Suzaku]

You get a very shouty man shouting in your ear.

I insert a kitchen device that juliennes, whatever that is.

[phillip1882]

you get cooking

i insert food

[Suzaku]

You get hunger.

I insert famine.

[Freddino18]

You get a bloody river

I insert a dam euphemism

[somitomi]

You get obscene graffiti on a hydroelectric power plant

I insert a poem on an underground wall

[Jplus]

You get rabbits.

I insert a fox.

I insert a kitchen device that juliennes, whatever that is.

A mandoline.

[Suzaku]

You get a vixen.

I insert a goose.

[Freddino18]

You lose your keys

I insert Keyes

[Suzaku]

You get 2.8 square miles (7.3 km²), all of it land.

I insert 2.8 square miles (7.3 km²) of ocean.